Hockey hits also happen in the seats

The Stanley Cup is awarded to the NHL champion. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Don’t close the lid on that ‘special relationship’ coffin just yet. It seems there is still stuff that unites John Bull and Uncle Sam after all.

The publication of the kind of NHL standings that the league office would probably rather keep mum about, ranks all 30 NHL hockey arenas in the order of their beer prices.

At current conversion rates (all prices are apparently in $US) that makes top whack £6.16 a beer and bargain basement £3.87. Note that a UK pint is equal to around 19.2 US ounces.

From this not so much mouth-watering as eye-watering display of profiteering pricing strategies, it would appear that English Premier League football fans can take heart.

Their North American cousins are being every bit as royally screwed as they are.

Cheers!

Motorway service finally delivers

Image via Wikipedia

Think of all the scenarios in which you can imagine bargain hunters at work en masse and motorway service stations are unlikely to be among them.

The only commercial scenario in which these ‘hike’ houses are likely to feature prominently, let’s face it, is the  Milking a Captive Audience category.

So hats off, briefly, to the midland motorway service area that offers a bit of a killing to those customers who show up sufficiently late in the day, as I did on Thursday evening.

“Oops, we made too many…now only £1,” read the sticker on a range of sandwiches.

Customers were responding to this rare largesse with such gusto, it occurred to me that with the addition of just a single word, motorway services could be onto a real winner.

“Oops, we made too many profits…now only £1,” plastered on a far greater range of foodstuffs, could revamp the sector’s image.

But then, as the very same service station was retailing cups of tea for £2.10, it’s probably best we don’t hold our breath.

Related articles

• Drivers ‘ripped off’ on motorways (autonetinsurance.co.uk)
• High motorway services prices ‘are safety issue’ (admiral.com)

The scariest words a drinker will hear – “Brewed in the UK”

The essence of Luton

Welcome to Brahma; latest in a long line of serial offenders brought to you by the big-league brewing industry.

It is, the bottle informs me, Brazilian Beer since 1888 and brewed “to the authentic Brazilian recipe”.

Exotic as it sounds, it is also cursed by the most damning phrase any drinker will ever hear – “Brewed in the UK”. I knew its father, you know: “Brewed under licence”.

We’ve been here for 30 years now and as one who has tasted the real thing where the likes of Castlemaine, Molson and Budweiser are concerned and knows only too well how “Brewed in the UK” usually translates as “nothing like the original”, I call hogwash on that “authentic Brazilian recipe” claim.

From the very first sip, I detect no hint of Copacabana or samba. I detect what I always do in a bottle bearing the “Brewed in the UK” curse: bland, unremarkable beer that tastes just like all the other beers that result whenever big brewers decide that they can find the taste of Brazil, America or Canada by going no further than Burton on Trent or Luton.

Whatever the difference may be between this ludicrous fiction and those far eastern hawkers who flog fake Rolex, I’m struggling to spot it.

…………………………………………………..

Brazil’s Brahma beer goes global - in the company’s defence, it does at least come right out with it in this masterpiece of corporate-speak. I considered satirising the quotes from Devin Kelly, Inbev’s vice-president for global brands, but realised I couldn’t possibly improve on the original.

[Pic courtesy of timkas23]

Torquay ghost train more symbolic than scary

Cover of Ghost Train

TO: Ms E Raikes, Chief Executive, Torbay Council

“Dear Ms Raikes,

On holiday in your resort last week, I tried out the ghost train in the seafront fairground at Torbay Road with my younger son. I would be very surprised if there is a greater civic embarrassment anywhere in Torquay.

Picture a 30-second meander through a couple of rooms spray-painted with day-glo skeletons, and a ‘climax’ of terror that involves an attendant in a luminous mask emerging from the shadows to growl at the patrons.

I can honestly say I rode ghost trains in the 1960s that made more of an effort than this, both artistically and technologically.

Yet as my distinctly-underwhelmed son and I left the carriage and reflected on such slapdash presentation and unfulfilled promise, it occurred to me that as a metaphor for a nation in decline, the ride is unsurpassed in recent memory.

I am loth to see anyone put out of work in a recession, so what I am suggesting here is not so much removal as rebranding.

Delete all references to ‘Ghost Train’ from the signage and instead call it something like 21st Century Britain – What a Load of Old Crap, and I believe you transform it into an exhibit of social commentary that will strike a chord with many future visitors.

Hard-hitting, to the point and controversial, it would be a publicity godsend and, I have no doubt, come to be seen in some quarters as art. I’m sure I don’t have to spell out to you what that might mean in terms of public funding.

I would welcome your comments on this suggestion and in the meantime have forwarded a copy of this letter to your local Trading Standards office. At the very least, someone needs to have a word.

Yours sincerely,

NP Liffe”