Notepad on Life

March 2, 2010

Pompous Twerps of the Week award – we have a tie

For a minute there, I thought Grampian police might have the stage to themselves.

Some Scottish sportswear retailer decides to put ‘Anyone but England’ World Cup shirts in his window and the next thing he knows, he’s got cops dropping by for a quiet word about offending racial sensitivities.

Things must be really quiet on the law enforcement front north of the border. Murders nil, rapes nil, drug traffickers nil – oh well, racism nit-picking it is then.

And remember the name Kirk Hemmings, PC in more ways than one. If he really is responsible for the following quote, then we’re looking at a nailed-on future chief constable:

“The Grampian area, in common with the rest of the country, has recorded incidents relating to nationality and we have a responsibility to do our best to ensure that incidents of this nature are kept to a minimum.

“The public expect no less of us.”

Have to love that last line. Nothing like a copper in tune with his public.

This just in, PC Hemmings: what the public do expect of you: a day so choc-a-bloc with making bad folks’ life a misery, you simply don’t have time for minutiae like this; a beat where hardened criminals quake at the very mention of the word ‘police’; a world where it’s the sheriff who rides around with the self-satisfied smile on his face, not the outlaws. You anywhere close to those targets yet?

Yes, the glory was so nearly yours and yours alone.

Then along came the International Olympic Committee.

Apparently Canada’s women did a terrible thing when they won gold for ice hockey. They came onto the ice afterwards brandishing champagne bottles, beer cans and cigars, in that irksome way people have when they’ve just registered one of the greatest days in their lives.

Now you’d think the IOC, like Scottish policemen, might have more pressing items on their agenda, given the Olympics’ perennial flirtation with the pharmaceutical industry and a history with more question marks against it than the Riddler‘s leotard.

But no, it seems we can’t have sportsmen letting their hair down a tad without rumblings – thankfully taken no further – of an IOC enquiry (and I’m not unsympathetic to one journalist’s suspicion that all this nonsense comes to down to some sexist dinosaur in a blazer).

Watching the scenes below, my own knee-jerk reaction was to think of Babe Ruth and Ian Botham. Baseball and cricket fans respectively won’t need me to remind them how those two ruined their sport for so many disappointed followers.

Thank goodness we can count on the true heroes at the IOC to remind us why we love games.


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